4 Months In

I am 4 months pregnant this week. I feel like I am a little more comfortable with people knowing that.

I thought I was going to love being pregnant; that I was going to be good at it. I'm vegan and healthy, I was so good about taking my prenatal vitamins before I even got pregnant. I may not exercise a lot (or at all), but I thought I would take some mommy yoga! Let me tell you, I suck at being pregnant.

Once I found out I was pregnant, I didn't really believe it because I didn't feel pregnant. My appetite was still pretty healthy, and I had no morning sickness. The only way I was certain was because of the complete and utter exhaustion that I felt (and that 3rd pregnancy test I took). I could sleep for 12 hours if you let me. This, I found out, is pretty normal. Your body is going through crazy hormonal changes, and you are making extra blood for an extra human. Apparently this tuckers you out.

And then about week 6 it all changed. It started with the nausea. Dull, constant, and nagging. I could still eat for the most part, but nothing really sounded good. Slowly I started getting sick. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night - sometimes all day. Let me tell you, the whole "Morning Sickness" thing is a myth! It is quite literally all day sickness. I was starting to lose weight, and I had a hard time staying hydrated. I tried every over the counter remedy, and everything that was recommended to me. Ginger candy, ginger tea, peppermint tea, sniffing fresh cut lemons, hot lemon water, not taking prenatal vitamins, taking B6 . . . the list goes on and on. Nothing worked. I finally had to get a prescription for something pretty heavy duty from my doctor. The medicine works, but I still vomit. Instead of throwing up all day every day and eating close to nothing, I can now eat limited foods and I am only getting sick a few times a week. I still feel nauseous almost all the time.

The crappy thing is that all literature about pregnancy, and almost every single woman I talk to, says that this all ends around the beginning of your 2nd trimester. It is so discouraging to get my weekly email from thebump.com which tells me about the progress of my pregnancy, and it says things like "you are in the honeymoon phase of pregnancy." It feels unfair. Is throwing up 2 times a day a honeymoon phase? Not for me it isn't.

In addition to the extra extended morning sickness, I have been dealing with the following things:

• I salivate a TON. I have to chew gum all day long, or I have to spit every 30 seconds
• Nose bleeds. My nose doesn't gush blood or anything, but it's there. Always.
• Cold-like symptoms, but no cold. I sneeze a ton, I cough, I get runny noses.
• I smell EVERYTHING. And it all makes me want to hurl. I currently can't stand the smell of cooked onions and garlic, coffee or coffee breath, and most of all: Anyone that smells like booze. Riding the train on a Friday morning, after a Thirsty Thursday, is a small form of torture. I could walk through the train and point to every single person that was out drinking the night before. But they all sit next to me so I wouldn't have to go far.

I'm sure there are more, but those are the most unusual. Or I thought they were unusual. These are the things you are never told about pregnancy unless you look a little harder for the information. It makes me feel like everything written about pregnancy is written by a man. They just put the most basic facts in a book and called it a day.

I want to be good at being pregnant. I want to feel happy about it. I want to be able to eat and drink like I normal person. I want to be able to leave the house without a plastic bag in case I have to throw up. (Seriously, I would have been so screwed without this. I have tossed my cookies in the car a handful of times.)

Sometimes I feel like the worst pregnant woman in the world.

WHAT!?

You know what is crazy about this? I have one of these, and I paid $10 for it.

$1250? Come on.

Some Day . . .

Dave and I talk about buying a home all the time. We look at MLS listings, search through properties on realtor.com, and drive around looking for homes for sale. Sadly, buying a home seems like a distant reality to both of us. Some day, I'm sure it will happen.

What I find more fun than looking for the home, is thinking about how I am going to decorate said home. We have a lot of mid-century modern furniture thanks to my grandparents, and we are rapidly acquiring more. I am afraid that our apartment is starting to look like a museum form the 1950's and 60's. I am always looking for good ways to mix all of the different styles that Dave and I like.

Here are a few images I always refer back to:

My dream kitchen courtesy of Lonny Magazine

All other images are from Design*Sponge

I hope some day we will have a home of our own to test out some of these ideas . . .

Red lipstick with a grey sweatshirt. It's a good thing.

Courtesy of Jak + Jil Blog.

I Mean, Really.

No other human alive is as cute as Zooey Deschanel.

Inspiration: Marianne Faithful

Some Days Aren't So Bad

Let's face it - retail isn't very fun. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some are so terrible you don't even want to talk about them. But sometimes, every so often, you make a real human connection, and those are the days I live for.

The other day I was in the stockroom at work looking over the new stock that I needed to merchandise. One of my managers, Sarah, came back to get me to ask if I could help a woman pick out clothing for a funeral and a wake.

Obviously, these are rough situations to deal with, so I was initially a little weary. I went out to the floor to meet the customer - which actually turned out to be 2 women, a mother and daughter. They both looked distraught - it was immediately obvious that it was someone of close personal relation that had passed away. I know (from my own experience, and other peoples') that death of a loved one can leave you in an emotional fog. You want to talk about how you feel, you want to be distracted from how you feel, and you just want to hide. It was obvious they were mentally far away from the Natick Mall.

I started the ladies fitting rooms, walked around collecting things for them to try, and put together some outfits. They both went into the fitting rooms at the same time, and the mother finished first. She came out, with some success in finding clothing, and sat down on a bench in the fitting room while her daughter tried on multiple options for all of the events that they would have to attend.

The mother and I started speaking casually, and then somewhat more personally. She informed me that it was her son who passed, and that he took his own life. He had been living with her and her husband, and that they both knew things were not looking good. She told me all she could think about now was "What If?"

It's always hard to know what to say in these situations, especially when you don't know the person well (or at all). I, of course, offered my condolences, and told her "we all do the best that we can." Not being terribly religions, I can never honestly say something like, "he is in a better place now." I'm not sure they would have felt relieved by the sentiment anyway.

At this point all I can do is try to make life as easy as I can for a woman who has lost her son, and a woman who has lost her brother and best friend.

The women were wonderful, kind, and easy to talk to. I helped them find everything they needed for the week of events ahead of them, and I hopefully provided a nice little distraction for an hour. They told me that they were just walking around the mall in a complete haze, and that they were happy to have found me. The mother gave my arm a squeeze on the way out of the fitting rooms, and I wanted to hug them both.

It's not that I think retail is life saving, but there are times when I feel like I can make life a little better.

This post is for you, C & C. I hope that I could help you, if even in the smallest way.

Adorable.

From Jak + Jil Blog.

Inspiration: Dusty Springfield

New She & Him!!!!!

New She & Him: "In the Sun"

Happy New Year

Well, I have been on a blog vacation lately. In honor of the year 2010, it is time for me to reflect on some of my favorite things from the last 10 years.

The number one spot goes to this guy:

Dave and I met in the spring of 2003, right before I graduated. We went on our first date, and beforehand I didn't think much of it. By the end of the evening it was pretty much assumed (by me at least) that this was it. I knew right away. He is quite literally the love of my life, and I don't know what I would have done without him over the last (almost) 7 years.

It should also be mentioned that there a few things that have really been constants in our relationship. This album is one of them, and has thusly won the coveted spot of numero uno on my list of favorite albums from the last ten years:

Am I allowed to have a favorite song of the decade? I think I am. Although The Zombies' "This Will Be Our Year" wasn't released in the last decade, it has been a personal favorite over the last ten years. Dave and I danced to this at our wedding for our first dance, so you can imagine that I have a certain attachment to it.

Well, that is just the beginning . . . but it seems like a pretty good start.

More soon.