Friday, November 5, 2010

4 Months In

I am 4 months pregnant this week. I feel like I am a little more comfortable with people knowing that.

I thought I was going to love being pregnant; that I was going to be good at it. I'm vegan and healthy, I was so good about taking my prenatal vitamins before I even got pregnant. I may not exercise a lot (or at all), but I thought I would take some mommy yoga! Let me tell you, I suck at being pregnant.

Once I found out I was pregnant, I didn't really believe it because I didn't feel pregnant. My appetite was still pretty healthy, and I had no morning sickness. The only way I was certain was because of the complete and utter exhaustion that I felt (and that 3rd pregnancy test I took). I could sleep for 12 hours if you let me. This, I found out, is pretty normal. Your body is going through crazy hormonal changes, and you are making extra blood for an extra human. Apparently this tuckers you out.

And then about week 6 it all changed. It started with the nausea. Dull, constant, and nagging. I could still eat for the most part, but nothing really sounded good. Slowly I started getting sick. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night - sometimes all day. Let me tell you, the whole "Morning Sickness" thing is a myth! It is quite literally all day sickness. I was starting to lose weight, and I had a hard time staying hydrated. I tried every over the counter remedy, and everything that was recommended to me. Ginger candy, ginger tea, peppermint tea, sniffing fresh cut lemons, hot lemon water, not taking prenatal vitamins, taking B6 . . . the list goes on and on. Nothing worked. I finally had to get a prescription for something pretty heavy duty from my doctor. The medicine works, but I still vomit. Instead of throwing up all day every day and eating close to nothing, I can now eat limited foods and I am only getting sick a few times a week. I still feel nauseous almost all the time.

The crappy thing is that all literature about pregnancy, and almost every single woman I talk to, says that this all ends around the beginning of your 2nd trimester. It is so discouraging to get my weekly email from which tells me about the progress of my pregnancy, and it says things like "you are in the honeymoon phase of pregnancy." It feels unfair. Is throwing up 2 times a day a honeymoon phase? Not for me it isn't.

In addition to the extra extended morning sickness, I have been dealing with the following things:
  • I salivate a TON. I have to chew gum all day long, or I have to spit every 30 seconds
  • Nose bleeds. My nose doesn't gush blood or anything, but it's there. Always.
  • Cold-like symptoms, but no cold. I sneeze a ton, I cough, I get runny noses.
  • I smell EVERYTHING. And it all makes me want to hurl. I currently can't stand the smell of cooked onions and garlic, coffee or coffee breath, and most of all: Anyone that smells like booze. Riding the train on a Friday morning, after a Thirsty Thursday, is a small form of torture. I could walk through the train and point to every single person that was out drinking the night before. But they all sit next to me so I wouldn't have to go far.
I'm sure there are more, but those are the most unusual. Or I thought they were unusual. These are the things you are never told about pregnancy unless you look a little harder for the information. It makes me feel like everything written about pregnancy is written by a man. They just put the most basic facts in a book and called it a day.

I want to be good at being pregnant. I want to feel happy about it. I want to be able to eat and drink like I normal person. I want to be able to leave the house without a plastic bag in case I have to throw up. (Seriously, I would have been so screwed without this. I have tossed my cookies in the car a handful of times.)

Sometimes I feel like the worst pregnant woman in the world.